“Black Safe” – Denver, CO – DAY 1
If you’ve never been to Denver, it’s actually a pretty small city. You can hit a fair amount of sights and tourist attractions in just one day if you really try. The buildings aren’t very tall, so the city seems very intimate. There are a ton of locally owned businesses all serving a similar purpose…The purpose, you guessed it; Beer.
It’s super easy to get around, but we recommend using the Lyft or Bird Apps to rent scooters. They are everywhere and they’re pretty dope. The utility of reaching in your pocket, grabbing your phone, then scanning a random scooter from off the curb is incredibly novel. They aren’t strewn all about either, The scooters are fairly well maintained and easy to use. Scan the scooter, kick, push, and coast. Throttle is on the right. Brake is on the left. It’s that simple. They are pretty fast, so it’s a fun way to move around the city. Just be sure you aren’t drunk or high while riding.
As soon as we landed, we were starving. So we asked around for a recommendation that was still pretty close to where we were staying. We were also in the mood for burgers. It’s no secret that the cattle in this area of the country is choice so we ended up going to Cherry Cricket. The service was slow (I’m starting to think that anything outside NYC is) but the staff was crazy nice and their manners made up for it. The food was delicious. And no surprise, the beer selection was good as well.
Black Safe Score 4/5
Next, we shot on over to The Great Divide for our first taste of the Denver Craft Beer scene. The brewery has some interesting art on the walls. A painting of Hov and Ye in full cowboy garb caught our eye. It perfectly captured their personalities and we almost copped before we talked ourselves out of it. The artwork in Denver would continue to catch our eye during the trip.
Black Safe Score 4/5
After a few more beers, we hit our first dispensary. They are everywhere and you can’t really miss em. Obviously, bring cash. At least until the rest of the country gets their act together. These places have something for everybody. From your hardcore weed enthusiasts to your newbies and Ganga virgins. The staff is knowledgeable and will give you the rundown on anything you have questions about. After some perusing, we opted to go for the fast melting gummies. Like two kids looking at a playboy for the first time, we rushed outside, ripped opened the shiny packaging (no golden ticket tho) and ingested our first legal round of oh so masterfully manufactured THC. Since we had about an hour before liftoff, we took an extra slow stroll back to the BnB before we left for the Pepsi Center. We were told that the gummies wouldn’t hit us for an hour. So we took our suggested doses, 1 for Dougie and half for Idris, and waited. Of course, we got impatient and doubled up after an hour of waiting with no real effects…
Black Safe Score 4/5
Since the high was starting to kick in, we opted for a Lyft. Our driver, a French woman named Elaine, arrived pretty promptly in a shiny new Ford Fusion:
Driver: You boys from out of town? (yeah, they are chatty down here. Get your talking points ready)
F. Dougie: Yeah, we’re from New York. Brooklyn and Queens. We wanted to see what Denver is all about.
Driver: Oh, so you guys are just here for fun? No special occasion?
Idris Gray: It’s funny you mention that. We’re actually celebrating the launch of our blog.
Driver: Ohhhhh, very interesting. What is the blog about?
Dougie: We are writing about pop-culture, politics, music, movies, and other things from our own unique perspective. We really think that people can identify with some of the ways that we view things.
Idris: It’s called “ Objectively Black”.
Her face turns to stone*
Driver: Soooooooo…… (pauses)
Are you going to educate black people? Or is this just black people complaining about SLAVERY AND BLAH BLAH BLAH?
Dougie: “Bitch, what?!”
Fam did she just say slavery and blah blah blah?! My nigga, I’m too high for this shit!! I can’t even process it!”
Idris: Hold up man. Don’t turn up. Let’s see what she has to say.
Driver: “I have many black friends. They complain a lot and….”
Dougie: This is the first day of black history month! I cannot sit here and listen to this.
Driver: I’m trying to say that I try to be a good person and help my friends see a different perspective than complaining. How can someone like me help?
Idris: I’m trying to process what she’s saying, and in a weird way it reminds me of that time, that white college student approached Malcolm X and said that she was an ally and wanted to know what she could do to help… He milly rocked her to the side and said “NOTHING”.
Dougie: Right?! Now you asking how you can help?! Let me out this Lyft…
Dougie: Well that was fun…By the way, It’s 7:00 pm and We are STILL the only 2 black People in Denver!!!! I ain’t seen one of us, YET! (Day 2 got better). The Pepsi Center is adequately mediocre. Where is the house that Melo built?
Idris: Where are the lobsters?! Where is the filet mignon?!
Dougie: Where the fuck is Shake Shack?! Where am I right now?!
Hold up, we gotta take a little intermission to talk about the National Anthem. You wanna talk about spiritual? Fam, I thought I was in church. Yeah, the dude on the saxophone was good, but I’ll be damned if that wasn’t a spiritual experience. People really love the flag out here. I swear the dude next to us was catching the holy ghost. Also pretty sure we saw a lady have an orgasm.
But then immediately after, they started playing Lil Dickie’s frat anthem, “I dreamed I was black so now I can say nigga” so we were a little offended….Anyway. Onward.
Idris: My man, there are NO single women ANYwhere in this town. Everybody is Boo’ed up.
Dougie: They’ve all been betrothed since age 15. You know how it is in the midwest. This is technically the midwest, right?
Idris: Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I’m also pretty sure they are playing Ice Ice Baby right now.
Dougie: Holy shit, I’m high as fuck. I almost kicked that lady’s drink out of her hand for no reason. Other than the fact that it would have been hilarious. Why did we get seats all the way up here?!
Idris: ….Dougie, we are in the 12th row from the floor.
Dougie: Yo, did that little kid just say “You can’t stop yo bitch?! Where are his parents?!”
Idris: I think he said You can’t stop Jokic.
Hold up…Who the fuck are Bonnie and Clyde?!
Dougie: They look like a brother and sister pop group or some shit. Let’s boo them.
Both: Boooooooooooooooo! Y’all are trash!
Dougie: “Yoooooo! That girl just got hit in the face with a beachball!
Black Safe Score 5/5
…to be continued in Part 2